Under New Management
One sleepless night, in the middle of March, an unwelcome thought popped into my head. “Am I manipulative?” I pride myself on my honesty and integrity and yet, I had to admit, I regularly manipulate my husband to get what I want. I got up and spent the rest of the night writing my husband a letter of apology for all the wrong-doings that I could remember. It was a long letter! Writing was therapeutic.
Later that day I asked J. if I could read the letter to him. He's used to my letters pointing out his faults so he was a little wary! Reading it aloud made me feel horribly exposed and ashamed. J. was brilliant though and thanked me for my honesty. After 15 years of marriage I finally felt able to commit. I asked him to stop being so tolerant if my behaviour upset him in future.
A few weeks later, I found the Loveawake dating website quite by chance. It was like finding the answer to a question that I'd not yet thought to ask! I emailed J. a couple of pages and instantly regretted it ... I shouldn't have worried because, as usual, he was open-minded.
Two weeks have passed by and my husband is loving taking me in hand and I'm enjoying being taken! I'm sometimes impatient but J. is well and truly in control, making logical, considered changes where change is needed. I suggested about 56 rules, which amused him. He has established four rules: Respect, trust, love and care for each other.
For me the biggest changes are making sure that I greet him properly when he comes in from work and give him a cup of tea and time to chill. I am managing to stop myself making sarcastic, critical or unconstructive comments. I try very hard to obey him. I make myself available to him for sex (way easier than I thought this would be!). I feel so much more contented with my husband in charge.
J is enjoying his new role as HOH. I can see now how much my nagging, negative comments and controlling held him back. He's still the same caring man and he still listens to my opinions but he makes the final decisions now. His decisions are sometimes different to what I wanted, but different can be good and take you to new places. He's a hundred times firmer with me and I respect him so much more now that I know he's going to stand firm. Disagreements don't spiral out of control, because I get spanked before they do! He cares for me by sending me to bed when he can see that I'm tired, he limits my time on the internet and restricts my TV viewing. He's put me on a budget; I'm still involved in financial decisions but he manages it. He opens and closes the car door for me – so chivalrous – such a simple gesture but he makes me feel special.
It's early days I know, but our previously good marriage feels refreshed, more sexually charged and fun. I just love my new manager so much!
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We both really want him to be in charge of the money but when you've been the one handling it for so long (I'm in the accounting field by trade), it's hard to make that transition. Nevertheless, as we both realize the good that can come from it (including placing some modest restraints on my petty cash spending), it's on our list of goals that we're working on one-by-one.
I know that some people may read your post and feel like an adult woman should be able to restrain herself with regard to TV and internet use, but I totally get why it would work, and am looking forward to time when that kind of control comes from husband, too.
As for what we have accomplished so far, I'm working on asking permission for things that at most I would have said, "Would you mind if. . .?" We decided this forces him to take note of things he might not otherwise have and we both want that. I also have a bad habit I'm working on and have been spanked pretty hard for reverting to it. We've also decided that on the extra day I have off that he doesn't, he'll give me a to-do list. Nothing overwhelming or super-tedious, but this, too, will allow him to start to take more charge and oversee things he never did before. Again, we both want to go in that direction.
So, we may not be there in 2 weeks, but maybe 2 months!
